


(Not Just A) Honeypot

by Ashley_vh



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: All Sex is Consensual on All Sides, Angst, Comfort eventually, Implied Underage, Just a General Bad Headspace and Mentality re: Sex, Just for bad reasons, Kinda, M/M, Pre-Ep 80, caleb's backstory, sex as self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-13
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22235914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashley_vh/pseuds/Ashley_vh
Summary: "They have a saying in Port Damali, 'you can’t teach an old dog new tricks,' and it rings true to Caleb.  It’s been years, but he still saw that invitation through the same rose colored glasses he’d worn in childhood.The problem with rose colored glasses is it blinds you to any color but scarlet."*** Or ***Essek invites Caleb to his house for their study session, and Caleb WILDLY misunderstands the reason.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 17
Kudos: 196





	(Not Just A) Honeypot

**Author's Note:**

> 1/12/2020

Caleb pulled himself out of sleep late that afternoon, the starlight shimmering in the sunless sky, barely visible through the crack in the curtains. Frumpkin curled at the foot of his bed, he was covered in warm, soft blankets and his alarm spell undisturbed overnight.

They were only going to be in Xhoras for perhaps another day, two maybe. After that, it’s on to Nicodranis, after that--

After that...

Caleb didn’t want to think about after that. 

He covered his face, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes until all he could see was the darkness and shimmering static he created behind his eyelids. 

Safety is not a luxury afforded to him, but there were a few places, for a few moments, he was close to it. He could count them on one hand and have most of his fingers left over. He’d be leaving one of the places soon.

And it was very possible that in days, he’d be strolling back to where he was furthest from those moments of relative safety. 

His skin crawled at the thought of it.

The itch was nearly unbearable, like phantom shards under the skin of his arms. He didn’t bother to scratch. He’d scratch and scratch for days until blood and flesh caked under his fingernails and it wouldn’t help. 

Caleb craved some kind of distraction. Something to pull his focus from the shadows he’ll be marching towards and anchor him, at least for a moment, in the present.

At that thought, he pulled his hands away from his eyes. 

He didn’t know if he believed in fate. And there was no way he’d call himself _lucky_ , per se. But in his life, there were a few moments of… not luck. Good Fortune? Pleasant timing? Maybe just circumstance.

His guard at the asylum having the charm that keeps him hidden now. The little goblin girl thrown into the cell beside his. The tinkling of silver coins on a table top. A well placed Wall of Fire here. An impressive cat’s paw there.

Little moments that came to him at the exact moment he needed them to. And maybe that's what the invitation was--a blessing in disguise.

They had been stepping out of the Lucid Bastion when Essek's voice was warm in his ear, "join me tomorrow night?" He said, low to avoid being overheard by the rest of his party, "I have more to teach you, if you're interested."

He'd been closer than he had been before, leaning into Caleb's space. Caleb didn't lean away, "I'm sure you know by now that I'm always interested. I'll see you then."

Essek had smiled at that, "my home will be more," he glanced at the nein, discussing their plans loudly, completely ignoring the wizards, " _peaceful_ for our endeavors."

Ah. Realization flooded him, nearly drowning his voice as he tried to say "of course."

And that had been that. Essek told him how to find his home, surprisingly close to their own house, and seemed completely genuine as he said “I look forward to it.” 

Honestly, it wasn’t difficult to read between those lines. 

Essek was attracted to him, and he knew it. Caleb wasn’t expecting that kind of invitation from the man, sure, but he could hardly turn him down now that his friends were so deeply in debt and continuously wearing out their welcome. 

Besides, he was hardly the type to be wooed, and it wasn’t as if he wasn’t getting anything out of it.

Caleb sat up, pulling himself out of bed with only a passing scritch to Frumpkin’s ears.

On the average day, he would dress, maybe shave if there was time, then be out with the rest of the nein. But that afternoon, Caleb was meticulous.

He bathed, scrubbing his skin until it was pink and the itch soothed to something he could live with. He carefully trimmed his beard, and tied his hair back. 

When he was younger, he’d wear dark makeup around his eyes, pinch his cheeks _hard_ until blush formed-- 

But he wouldn’t do something like that now, he wasn’t the same as he was before.

Caleb pulled on clean clothes and his nice coat. He gathered his components and carefully filled his pockets as he always did. He slipped on his boots, cleared of any dirt and dust; he made sure every fasten was neatly done and every button just so, and stepped into the library.

In a day or so, they’d go to Nicodranis, and then--

Until then, maybe he’d be able to be distracted for a while.

***

“Oooooooo!” Jester cooed from the table, “Cay-leb, you look so fancy,” she stretched his name with a happy little wiggle, smiling devilishly.

Caleb could barely mutter a stiff “thank you,” before Beau leaned around Jester, wrinkling her nose.

“You smell like _lavender,_ ” she said, like it was a dirty word. She took a large bite of Caduceus' perfectly cooked mushrooms. 

Jester’s smile widened, “do you have a _date_ , Cayleb?” 

Perhaps he should have skipped the meal that day. 

Caleb rolled his eyes and filled a small plate with as little food as he could without incurring Caduceus’ concerned looks or Nott “stealthily” adding food to his plate. “Essek asked me to study with him tonight, it would be rude to show up covered in filth.” 

“You have a date with Essek?!” Nott nearly screeched from her spot beside him.

Jester held her knife like is was a deadly weapon, “What are his intentions, Caleb?”

Caleb dropped his fork with a clatter, putting his face in his hands to hide the light blush dusting his cheeks. 

It’s not like eating together was anything more than habit. He wasn’t forced to come down to the kitchen table and eat with his friends.

Caduceus put a hand on his shoulder, “I’m sure he has the best intentions.”

Fjord, mostly silent until now, tried to save Caleb from more embarrassment. “Guys, you know he’s just going to be learning magic.”

Beau snorted, “Besides, if Caleb had a date, he’d be self-destructing from anxiety, you know it.” 

Chuckles spread through the group when Caleb flicked a bit of bean at Beau’s face, and the topic shifted to something that Caleb didn’t care enough to follow.

He knew that not showing up would have caused more questions than Caleb wanted to answer. 

Besides, Caleb thought, sneaking out for a late night fling felt too juvenile. He’s a grown man, he didn’t need to sneak around. Even if his friends didn’t need to know the steps he was planning on taking for all of their wellbeing. 

If his friends wellbeing was the only reason.

Caleb pushed the food around his plate, something like worry twisting his gut. It wasn’t like he was dreading the idea. Essek was a very attractive man, and it was obvious that the shadowhand had feelings for him. Attraction, definitely. Intrigue, absolutely.

Perhaps those feelings were mutual. Perhaps he’d woken up at night after their study sessions with warmth coursing through his veins; perhaps curiosity pulsed under his skin when he learned a tiny scrap of information about Essek. 

But Caleb was not the type to give in to emotions for people. He could act on Essek’s message, but that was it. Nothing else would come of it.

“Are you okay?” Nott whispered to him, peering up at him with her eyes scanning his face.

Caleb nodded. “I should go,” he said, loud enough for the whole table to hear, “I’ll be back in a few hours.” Nott almost looked like she wanted to say more, but he was already near the door.

The chimes rung out and he was outside before Jester could even tell him to have fun.

The air was cool on his skin as he walked through the firmaments. Early evening wasn’t the busiest time in Rosohna, so it was simple to let himself drift through the sparse crowd. 

There were eyes on him from each passerby. He knew why, he was a human wandering alone through the streets of the Dynasty, of course there’d be stares. 

Perhaps he shouldn’t have gone alone. He already knew how quickly the denizens of Rosohna react to humans, even when he was surrounded by his friends. 

The stares felt like sandpaper on his skin.

Beyond the danger of any orc or goblin or drow who decided he looked weak, any of them could be scourgers in disguise, waiting to either kill him or take him back--

But it didn’t _matter_ if they took him back, did it? He’d be walking back himself in a few days. 

His heart was racing against his ribcage, his hands clenched at his sides. Caleb shook his head, as if trying to physically shake the thoughts from his mind.

The smart thing would have been to have one of his friends walk with him, drop him off at Essek’s home and then come back--

But Caleb was not particularly in the mood to think that far ahead right then.

The itch in his skin was back, and in that moment, all he longed for was a moment of peace.

**Author's Note:**

> "thanks to my beta reader @yourknightofrage" She said she'd fight me through the internet if I thanked her for making this chapter as good as it is, so naturally I won't do that ;)  
> And thank you to my friend Lyss for talking to me while I posted this chapter and telling me how to spell Rosohna
> 
> Also, to note, I have had this story in my head since before they left the happy fun ball, I am currently two episodes behind, and I have a general refusal to change the plot to accommodate canon. basically chapter 4 will probably be chapter 4 without any changes despite what I'm hearing about ep 90 ;)
> 
> Kudos and Comment for more, all mistakes are mine. I haven't written anything in years, so forgive any error
> 
> Smut will be coming in chapter 2


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